Yup, that day came. I guess I had to make that decision sooner or later. I decided to pause my social media presence. I realized that it was doing more harm than good. The effect it had on my mental health was being extremely negative. Social media can be a very, very good thing. It’s an excellent work and networking tool but, if you’re not careful, it presents a serious menace to your well being.
I had to weigh on a balance what was more important to me right now. I have my work pages on Facebook and Instagram as well as my personal pages. If I shut down my personal pages, my work pages would go too. So I thought (not very hard, I admit it), and I shut it down. And, man, it has been hard. The urge one feels to click those FB or Insta buttons is overwhelming. But, hey, I’m doing it. It hasn’t even been 24 hours, but it’s going well, so far.
I’m in the middle of something that I don’t know if it qualifies as a breakup. Honestly, I have no effin ideia what the hell I’m going through, actually, or what the hell has happened in the last year, and, specially, the last three weeks. So, watching every single day what and who was hurting me most was not helping at all. So I decided to put a stop to it until I could be strong enough to face it with a different attitude.
My work pages are going to suffer. I know. I will have to do one hell of a job recovering from the damage when I get back. But I have to do it. Right now, pulling myself back up from whatever the hell was that “relationship”, is my priority. Just because, the way it feels right now, I will not be able to do anything else if I don’t get out of the state of mind I’m in right now.
Someday I’ll tell you about the person and the situation in question. When it all dies out (even though it has died out on his part – or so I get the feeling from the three weeks he hasn’t spoken one single damn word to me), I will try and explain how I had this amazing human being by my side and it all went awry. And no, I wasn’t the one who f***** up. Hey, it’s life. But it didn’t need to hurt this much or to nearly drive me out of my mind. And all I really want to do is get out of here to somewhere I can’t be found but there’s a stupid ass pandemic which chose this exact same time to limit our mobility. Perrrfect timing.
For now, I will seek some sort of peace by being out of social media. That way I don’t have to see him and his perfect little fabulous life. I’ll just stay at home wit my cats, who take their very special time to drive me insane by waking me up, every single day, at six in the morning. Just what I need. Maybe I should join the 5 a.m. club. Heard about that. Still have to figure out what that is.